as itry to gather my thoughts of what iwanna say my stomach crinches.
idon't know if ishould be grateful or hateful.
grateful because ieven seen yuh,
or hateful because yuh left me so soon?
iwanted yuh here,
iknow isound selfish,
buh thas how ifeel.
this entire situation was painful,
& forever will be.
my heart has stopped beating,
the very second yurs did.
even though im actually still here physically,
mentally & emotionally im dead.
ipray and ask Jehovah for strength,
because ihave the hope of the resurrection,
where ican see yuh & all my other loved ones again.
& the hope of a Paradise Earth -
Paradise means a perfect state of being on Earth, with serenity.
&& my child this is how yuh where named. :))
buh iam still confused, angry, & hurt.
ioften wonder things like:
how do ilearn to cope?
how do ihold yuh 9 months, go threw labor & delivery, then leave the hospital with a lock of hair, hand & footprints, a card for a loss, & im expected to continue on like nothing?
how do icome home to nothing but a picture of yuh on the wall?
how do ijust put away yur clothes yuh never got to wear?
or toys yuh never got to play with?
how am iaffected everyday when everyone around me talks so highly about their kids?
what do ido when isee someone take their kids for granted?
what do ido when young parents complain about their kids?
how am isuppose to respond when people say 'im sorry for yur lost'?
why did Paradise have to put through so much?
why wasn't i educated on GBS?
what if the doctors would have caught the infection early?
what if Paradise was here now, how would my life be?
why were we told grunting was normal?
why isn't there any lawyers trying to help me?why aren't mothers out here being more informed on GBS?
in the whole process, did imake the best decisions for Paradise?
icould go on & on about the things iwonder ...
*sighss....
as im sitting here with tears running down my cheeks,
im sad... buh as isaid im grateful... grateful beacause:
all of the support & love ihad by my side the entire time.
iwouldnt have made it without all of yuh <3
& for that iam forever thankful .
love yuh all <3
- RainbowSkye
P.S:
when im havin a bad day,
like today, i like to read this scripture...
Luke 23:43
And he said to him:
"Truly I tell you today,
You will be with me in Paradise."
